The past couple of weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. I was let go from my job because “my services were no longer required”. Ok, cool! I tried to play it off like it didn’t bother me and I kept telling myself that it’s ok, you now have that break you wanted and that you hate routine, but to be honest as much as I hated the routine, I miss it.
I miss waking up early (yes, I just said that), I miss the GO train ride where I would catch up on my reading, I miss my daily Starbucks, I miss my work friends that turned into great friends and I miss being in the middle of one of the greatest cities in the world!
I went from being “happy” about it to being angry and then really really sad. All last week I slept in and just stayed in bed for most of the day, binge watching The Walking Dead. I didn’t want to do anything and then it happened, I just broke down. I remember driving home and feeling extremely sad (listening to Adele doesn’t help!), when I got home my husband just looked at me and he knew something was wrong, as soon as he asked, I broke down crying. Everything I had been holding in for the past couple of weeks just came out. I felt completely useless and worthless. I never thought losing a job would make me feel this way, but it did. I felt like I wasn’t good enough or smart enough. I must have done something wrong for them to just throw me out like that. But after my “mini breakdown” I felt a lot better and I started to look at the situation differently, MAYBE this was supposed to happen and MAYBE bigger and better things are on the horizon!
I’ve been on the hunt for a new job for sometime now, even before I was let go. The whole process of looking for a job can feel hopeless, especially when you’re stuck in the middle of the experience bracket. The company could find someone with less experience and pay them less or they could hire someone with a bit more experience than you. I’ve met with many recruiters and have even been told in some interviews that I’m being “too ambitious”. Ambitious for aiming higher? Ambitious for knowing my worth? Ambitious for being honest about what my expectations are? It’s pretty funny that they say that because growing up we were always told to “aim for the stars”! I’ve been to job interviews and waited weeks to hear a response from a company, to only be told that they hired someone internally or that they found someone who they felt was a better fit. I don’t get why it takes weeks for a response when I’m pretty sure you know within the first 15 minutes of meeting me, if you want to hire me or not?! I have an excellent resume and amazing experiences from Canada’s top firms, so why is it so hard for me to find a job?!
To be honest, I’m so over this job hunting process. I hate trying to sell myself to a company. You have my resume in front of you and I know you read it before you called me in for an interview, so why am I reading it to you again?! Don’t ask me the basic questions every interviewer asks, get to know me as a person. Anyone can be taught how to do something, but how you mesh with a person is not something that can be taught and especially in my field of work, getting along with your boss is the most important part.
Part of me never wants to go back to the corporate world, while the other half misses it completely and would go back in a heartbeat. This time I’m going to take my time and do my research. I’m in no rush to go back. I want to enjoy having this time to myself and work on me and not be stuck on a 9-5 schedule. So, if anyone wants to hang out, I’m available! haha